Parenting Got You Down? Try Positive Parenting Affirmations and Mantras

Parenting is hard work. No doubt about it. It pushes us in ways we’ve never been pushed before. We’re in charge of the life of another human being–a human being who is entirely dependent on us for everything in their life. It’s exhausting work. It’s often thankless work. And many times, it brings out the worst in us. We’re trying our best to be calm, patient, kind, and uplifting but it’s hard to do when there are stressors on all side and children who have pressing needs. And, of course, all of this is on top of sleep deprivation.

When the crazies are swirling around–physically, mentally and emotionally–it can be helpful to have a reset button to help bring back a measure of calm. Many people find that having a mantra or a positive affirmation can be the ticket to help them do just that.

What are affirmations and mantras and how do you use them?

If you’re not familiar with mantras and affirmations, let’s get you up to speed. Here are some basic definitions:

Affirmation: “According to the English American Dictionary, to “affirm” is to state that something is true. When applied to the spiritual life, an affirmation is a statement of truth which one aspires to absorb into his life” (Cosley, 2019).

Mantra: “In the simplest terms, it’s based on two root Sanskrit words: manas (mind) and tra (tool).  So the word “mantra” literally means “mind tool” or “a tool for the mind.”” (emphasis original, Gemme, 2019).

A mantra is often a sound (om) or single word but can also be a phrase. And, if a phrase is used as a mantra, an affirmation is often chosen as that phrase. For the practicing yogi, affirmations and mantras are used in mediation to reach a higher level of concentration and a deeper level of mediation. However, for the average lay person, they can also be of great benefit to “energize an intention with heightened awareness” (Gemme, 2019) – meaning, to give added power, as the definition of affirmation states, “to a truth [you aspire] to absorb”.

The “truth that you aspire to absorb” can be anything that you want to change in your life or something that you want to do more consistently. The idea is that you state, in the present tense, what you want to occur in the future. For example, if you struggle with patience then the truth you wish to absorb is that you are a patient person (present tense). You would like patience to become your reality instead of impatience. So, your positive affirmation would be “I am patient”. The goal of the affirmation is to allow the truth of what you already are, but that is buried deep inside you, to manifest itself sooner than it might have without the focused aid and concentration of the affirmation. In this example, you’re allowing your inner patience, the patience (or truth) that’s already inside of you, to appear sooner rather than later. You’re recognizing its existence instead of burying it beneath other phrases you might tell yourself such as “I’m so impatient! I’m not a patient person!” (the lie that’s juxtaposed to the truth of the affirmation).

“In practicing affirmations, the spiritual aspirant must be unfailingly patient. Believe you are inherently healthy when you want good health; believe you are inherently prosperous when you want prosperity; believe you are inherently wise when you want wisdom—then health, prosperity, and wisdom will manifest themselves in you.” -Yogananda

(Cosley, 2019)

Once you have chosen a phrase that you wish to turn into a reality in your life, you would ideally repeat that phrase (affirmation) to yourself multiple times a day in quiet, reflective periods such as when you just wake up or are just about to go to sleep. As you pause your day, you focus on your intention to be that new, better, version of yourself. Visualize what that person looks like and what they do during their day. And, little by little, you will start to become that person. In fact, “the repetition and corresponding mental images formed when saying affirmations help…to change the subconscious mind” (Cosley, 2019).

That change in yourself can and will occur overtime but, in addition to visualization and repetition, it requires one other very important element: you must truly believe your affirmation. You can tell yourself all day long “I am patient” but if you don’t allow yourself to actually believe that it can become a reality in your life, then it’s not going to be nearly as effective. You can acknowledge that you still have work to do to become that patient person, but you must believe that it’s possible.

“The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success!” Yogananda

(Cosley, 2019)

How do mantras and affirmations help a struggling, overwhelmed parent?

That’s a quick, fly-by, overview of how mantras and affirmations work, in the context of transforming a desired outcome into a reality in your life. Now, how does that translate into the daily world of parenting?

As mentioned, parenting is crazy hard. And we’re sometimes not proud of how we handle specific stressors or situations. During those hard times, “when you feel stressed or out of balance…repeat your chosen word or phrase to calm your mind and bring you back into focus” (Gemme, 2019). Whether it’s in the moment or later as you’re reflecting on it, having a mantra in your pocket can help to re-center and re-group. At the beginning, you might not have enough practice with or repetition of your chosen mantra(s) to be able to utilize it/them in the exact moment of stress but overtime you’ll be able to hit the pause button while the undesired behavior (in yourself) is occurring.

As a parent, you might want several mantras. A different mantra for different situations and/or children. Examples could include:

• I am the mother my children need.
• My children don’t need a perfect father; they need me.
• My child’s tantrum is not a reflection of their love for me or of my parenting abilities.
• This day is a gift: breathe and notice.
• I am grounded and calm.
• I am capable of guiding my child through this big emotion.

You can also use mantras with your children, to talk them through their own big emotions and to gradually build them up to be more confident in themselves and their abilities. Again, the keys to implementation are repetition, visualization and a belief that the statement is true. Your child will be able to tell if you don’t really believe what you’re saying about them. Be sincere! In addition to helping your child, it can help you to look at your child through new eyes and can sometimes defuse the situation faster than anything else! Some of these mantras can mirror the ones listed above. Others might include:

• You are brave. You are strong. You are kind.
• You are my precious child and nothing will change that.
• You are loved.
• You are a good friend and use gentle hands.

I don’t claim to be an expert on mantras and affirmations, by any stretch of the imagination, but I have felt the potential of concise, powerful phrases such as these in my life and in my parenting. Even as I write this, I’m reminding myself to more fully implement affirmations into my parenting life. Mine would include:

• I am enough.
• I am loved and I love unconditionally.

What would yours include? Let me know in the comments below!

Hello! I’m Briana!

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