“Alexa, play that song on repeat”: why our toddlers thrive on repetition

It’s no secret that young children enjoy repetition. They could happily read the same story a million times over (it’s currently Anansi the Spider here at our house), listen to the same song all day long (thank you Blippi–I now have “Excavator Song” engraved in my memory for all time), or repeat the same play sequence over and over (“mom, do the ‘doop doop’ again!” as I tap blocks and pretend they’re making music). As you can see, we’re no stranger to this phenomenon over in these parts! This repetitiveness doesn’t seem to phase our kids. In fact, they seem to thrive off of it! But…it can drive the adults around them bonkers!

What about our young kids makes them programmed to love repetition? Why is this a universal characteristic? Should we be redirecting them to other, more novel, tasks and entertainment? Or should we cater to their preferences for sameness? Let’s take a look at some of the science behind this and perhaps we can take the edge off at the same time.

What does repetition do for our kids?

Simply put “repetition supports brain development” (Schaper, 2003, emphasis added).

Anytime we do anything, our brains are receiving electrical impulses via neural pathways. When we are just learning something, those pathways are thin. The more we repeat that thing, the thicker those neural pathways become.

The neural pathways associated with repeated actions gradually morph from something that requires intense concentration to accomplish (a baby learning to balance and walk) into something that can be done automatically (an adult who can multitask, not needing to give any thought to the action of walking). “Previous experience, repetition and practice” have allowed the adult’s neural pathways to get to this point while the child’s pathways “are only beginning to be formed” (Repetition and Child Development in Montessori Education, 2017). With each repetition, the skill becomes a little bit more refined, precise, efficient, and easier to perform.

I think most of us know from experience that without repetition, our brains fail to retain information. That’s how we studied for tests, memorized piano pieces, and learned to drive a car. We don’t get those skills moved into long-term, automatic memory without all that repetition because our brains, especially in childhood, are “automatically conditioned to prune off the thinner pathways containing information that has not been repeated” (Schaper, 2003).

Now, you may be thinking “buuuuuut, I don’t want my child to have “Baby Shark” in their long-term memory! Why do we need to repeat that a million times over?”

Great question!

Repetition itself, the skill of being able to repeat and to practice, “forms the basis for learning, skill development, and accomplishment” in our children (Repetition and Child Development in Montessori Education, 2017). “Baby Shark” is exciting and easy to sing along with for toddlers. They listen to it on repeat and start to sing words and then whole phrases while it’s playing. They start to anticipate what comes next. They start laying neural pathways, not just for the words and actions to the song, but also for learning how to learn itself! This same principle goes for any new skill our kids are attempting: learning to roll or learning the latest song in their high school garage band. All of it is laying neural pathways and teaching our children how to learn.

Additionally, young children feel safe and secure when they know what’s coming next. This is one reason why routines and predictable patterns from caregivers help children settle down quicker for bed and respond better to instruction and correction. Repeatedly requesting the same bedtime story or asking for the same lullaby every night is your child’s security blanket. If they know they can request “Baby Shark” and it comes on, they feel better. Their sense of stability and security within the larger world increases.

To recap and expand:

• repetition builds memory
• repetition helps children become more precise and efficient in their skills
• repetition helps children learn to learn
• repetition builds neural pathways
• repetition helps children feel secure and know what’s coming next
• repetition transitions skills from difficult tasks into automatic reflexes
• “The more often information is repeated, the more likely it is to be retained” (Schaper, 2003).

Now, let’s all take a deep sigh of relief! Doesn’t it feel good knowing the why behind what our kids do sometimes? And specifically knowing that what’s driving you bonkers is helping your child’s brain to develop and grow actually kinda lessens the annoyance and makes it tolerable!

That’s nice but I still need more help coping!

Still need some ideas for how to deal with the incessant repetition? Give a few of these a go:

• Tell your child that the song/activity/toy needs to take a nap
• Try doing “variations on a theme”—after several rounds of playing a game the same way, subtly switch it up. Often times kids will go with it since it’s basically the same. After a bit, switch it slightly again. In my “musical blocks” example from above, I could have started stacking one block and having it make a louder musical note. And then continue the same as before with the rest of the blocks. And then “accidentally” knock over the two block tower I made. Of course we’d have to rebuild the tower after that! Gradually we could transition to tower building and crashing instead.
• Make it silly for yourself even if your kid doesn’t get it. For example, I remember driving home from work SO many times with nursery songs stuck in my head. They morphed into country-fied or jazz-ified versions of the original “Old McDonald” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. So, if you’re stuck reading the same book or singing the same song and are loosing your mind, try reading/singing in an accent, with famous people’s voices, or using a different tempo or genre. Entertain yourself!
• Stop the activity or story at key parts and see how much of it your child can fill in/do themselves. Example “Brown bear, brown bear, what do you ____? I see a red bird looking at ____!” Or maybe your kid wants to climb the ladder to the slide for the hundredth time and always needs help. This time you back off a little, stand close by, and let them try the ladder by themselves.
• Simply but firmly state “that’s enough for now but you can do it again later”. Always make sure to let them know that it’s not done for forever. This helps with the buy-in and acceptance sans tantrums. (You don’t need to specify when “later” is either). 😉

Side notes and Corollaries

Now that we know how beneficial repetition is to a child’s learning, we can apply it to a few different scenarios, one of which is teaching your child family rules and what is acceptable behavior in your home.

How often do we say something like “I just told you! No hitting!” Well, if your child needs something repeated hundreds of times to learn it, then it makes sense that they aren’t going to get the rules the first time you say them. They’re going to need your family expectations repeated to them hundreds of times…in different situations and different times of day, over and over, day in and day out. That’s just a given.

And since it’s a given, we can choose how we want to repeat those instructions. Upset and frustrated? Or calmly but firmly? If you know that repetition is super necessary for this stage of development, it makes it easier to remain calm when stating your rules again and again and again. (And you better believe that I’m saying this to myself as I write this. I’m the worst at remembering this when my toddler is once again trying to roll the baby!)

(Please don’t misunderstand me to mean that you shouldn’t discipline your child in these instances. Part of their repetitive learning is that there are consistent, steady consequences to their actions and disobedience. Hitting their sibling always results in a timeout, or whatever consequence your family uses, no matter how many times the hitting occurs-the first time or the hundredth. This consistency in consequences helps your children learn their boundaries much quicker than if you were inconsistent. Just as with any learning, repetition and consistency matter!)

Another corollary of this concept is that children repeat things that are important to them. If they have experienced something that feels very significant, they will often repeat parts and pieces of it over and over later. It helps them to process the event. If you notice your child doing this, it’s a strong clue to you that your child might have internalized something more deeply than you realized and might need your support to work through it.

For example, a few weeks ago our fire alarm went off due to some, um, adventurous cooking on my part. Our alarms are all connected throughout the house so when one goes off, all of them go off. There’s nowhere in the house you can go to escape it. Sirens are blaring everywhere. Now, imagine you’re a two year old…ya. Pretty scary.

When the blaring had stopped and my son was (mostly) calm he started saying “it no beeping no more”. And he said it on repeat. All day. And part of the next. And some of the next….You can see where I’m going. And you can also see that I got a pretty clear picture of how much this event affected my son. We needed to give him a constant flow of reassurance that everything was ok.

When is repetition more than just a typical toddler annoyance?

Repetition is a very common marker of childhood but it is also a red-flag for autism. So, when does it cross the line from typical development into a concern?

First, let’s get a basic definition for autism. “Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges” (Basics About Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), 2020).

Breaking this definition down a bit:

“Spectrum” indicates that autism doesn’t manifest the same in everyone diagnosed with it. Some people with autism might have more social impairments and less behavioral concerns than others. Some might be non-verbal and others highly verbal. And still others might be severely impaired in all areas while some are minimally impacted in all of these developmental areas.

“Developmental disability” indicates that it is not something that can be diagnosed in utero or at birth. It is generally diagnosed in early childhood.

“Social, communication, and behavioral challenges” indicates that these are the three main pillars used to diagnose autism. In most cases, persons with autism have one or more challenges associated with each of these three pillars. They might:

• not point at objects to show interest (for example, not point at an airplane flying over)
• not look at objects when another person points at them
• have trouble relating to others or not have an interest in other people at all
• avoid eye contact and want to be alone
• have trouble understanding other people’s feelings or talking about their own feelings
• prefer not to be held or cuddled, or might cuddle only when they want to
• appear to be unaware when people talk to them, but respond to other sounds
• be very interested in people, but not know how to talk, play, or relate to them
• repeat or echo words or phrases said to them, or repeat words or phrases in place of normal language
• have trouble expressing their needs using typical words or motions
• not play “pretend” games (for example, not pretend to “feed” a doll)
• repeat actions over and over again
• have trouble adapting when a routine changes
• have unusual reactions to the way things smell, taste, look, feel, or sound
• lose skills they once had (for example, stop saying words they were using) (Basics About Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), 2020).

When typically developing children show repetitive behaviors, they will also find joy and excitement in the activity. For many children with autism, they don’t appear to be even aware that they are repeating a word, phrase, or activity. Their desire for “sameness” can be very rigid, to the point of not being able to function when something different occurs in their routine. Additionally, their repetitive behaviors will be accompanied with other challenges, such as those on the list above.

If you have questions about your child’s behaviors and their specific manifestation of repetitive behaviors, please consult with your doctor. If your child has been diagnosed with autism, there are many resources available to you and to them. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has a page of helpful links that is a good place to start. Their resources include general information, healthcare providers, support groups, financial assistance information, and more.

Hello! I’m Briana!

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